Blog / Games

How do you review a game console?

I don’t envy the editors assigning a score to the Playstation 4. The device works basically as advertised: it plays PS4 games and Blu-Ray movies. You can watch Netflix, go online and browse the web, the usual. It’s possible to critique the UI, how the controller feels, and any bugs you find. We’re all used to our consoles having day one updates, so no sense griping about that.

But we don’t grade consoles like games. The Nintendo DS had a terrible launch and went on to be a huge seller. The Wii confounded critics but dominated the first half of last generation. Look at the interface for the Xbox 360 at launch compared to today. Heck, look at the size of the modern PS3 compared to its original incarnation!

We grade consoles by the fun they provide and how meaningfully their new features allow new experiences. It’s like judging a car by how much fun you had on a road trip. Assuming the car doesn’t break down, how do you assign a number to that? Why not a font styling? I do love the meme about the PS4 being italics and the Xbox One being bold.

That’s as meaningful of a review as I can imagine.

This weekend I helped a coworker with a Node Knockout 48 hour programming competition. It taught me two things: one, I do not have the constitution for programming marathons; and two, that specification documents are essential before starting programming. Oh, and something about Node.js I suppose.

I didn’t do anything on the Node side. Just some page styling and a tiny amount of front-end JavaScript hinting. But it was inspiring to see my compatriots bang out Facebook integration and a game engine over two days. Maximum cowboy coding but perfectly acceptable for a time-limited competition.

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A long time ago I gushed over Gnomoria, a Dwarf Fortress-style game designed to be played by human beings. For whatever reason (not obtuse enough?) I haven’t played much Gnomoria, but I’ve found something similar on iOS: Junk Jack X, which is Minecraft for human beings.

Yes yes, millions of people play and enjoy Minecraft. They even added a little tutorial system that teaches you how to open your inventory and… nothing else. Nothing about crafting, smelting, the dangers you face or what to strive for. I love Minecraft like crazy, but it doesn’t do much to ease you in.

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Looks nice. The level cap is raised to a staggering 100, with the option to jump straight to 90 and play the new content. What should we think of those 90 levels? Are they a chore? Filler content?

You could spend an entire console generation playing this game. Or a human generation.

I like how the angle shot of Draenor in the beginning mirrors the original announcement teaser for World of Warcraft. How far we’ve come.

Unfortunately, not far enough to abandon horrible lines like “the fate of all worlds hangs in the balance.”

Asked today on Stack Exchange:

What is the fastest way to kill my family?

Oh, it’s for the video game Papers, Please. Okay then.

I’m going to give SimCity another try. I stopped playing when I realized the traffic system was utterly broken. My metropolises tended to turn into one giant snarl of bumper to bumper taxi cabs and commuters. Now that the underlying systems have been improved and you can lift up roads, maybe I can build and be happy again.

Battlefield 4 and Call of Duty: Ghosts have waged their own little war over my next-generation console FPS purchase. First I had Battlefield pre-ordered because I had a bad experience with Black Ops 2. Then the revelation comes out that Battlefield 4 doesn’t render in native 1080p on the Xbox One, so I cancelled my pre-order and selected Ghosts. But Kyle Orland put my fears to rest about the 720p rendering limit, so I backtracked and ordered Battlefield 4 again. Finally the reviews come out for Call of Duty: Ghosts and they’re unimpressive, so I cancel Ghosts.

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Monaco is a hoot.

It reminds me of so many other games - Thief, Super Mario Bros., Splinter Cell: Conviction, Metal Gear Solid - but plays unlike any of them. It looks like Hotline Miami and starts off as readable as Dwarf Fortress.

Hmm. How can I explain it?

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I have a problem with SimCity.

No, that’s not right.

SimCity, I have a problem.

Almost there.

I have a SimCity problem.

Better! I was hopelessly addicted to the new edition of this city builder for two weeks. It felt like my first time with World of Warcraft, where I’d drop everything at the door and rush to my computer to play, only stopping when my body started screaming about its physical needs. I uninstalled the game a few days ago. I can’t have the game on my computer. It’s not good for me.

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I’m thrilled to be able to start a game review with a disclaimer. Ready? Here we go. Disclaimer: at the time of writing I am a contractor working with Microsoft and 343 Industries on Halo 4. My copy of this game was free. So you should take some of this with a grain of salt. Like the part where I say the Needler reload animation makes you believe in love at first sight. That’s definitely me exaggerating. Also the contest where the first person to collect all 50 detachable Grunt testicles gets their own decommissioned Space Shuttle. That doesn’t exist, and I’m not just saying so to throw everyone off the scent because I totally want the Endeavour. Okay?

Oh, and there are huge spoilers herein. Made even worse by the fact that things actually happen in Halo 4.

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Remember why World of Warcraft supplanted Everquest? Azeroth’s improved graphics and colorful history were a small part of the equation. It was because Blizzard took Everquest, replaced the parts players didn’t like and then polished the rest. Everquest had notoriously horrific corpse runs, lines in front of shopkeepers, and mandated that classes like healers join groups to level up. World of Warcraft had none of that and plenty of original features. You could get the same pleasant levelling and looting experience without a Norrathian headache.

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