Blog » Hi, I'm HERO

The Witcher 3 is coming out next week and I’m vaguely excited. I wasn’t a fan of the last game thanks to its emotionless hero, awful user interface, and poorly explained combat. It looks like the sequel fixes… none of those. Geralt grumbles at every situation like he’s missing the last puzzle piece in the box. I’m watching these HD streams of console gameplay and straining to see the button prompts at the bottom right of the screen. But the combat looks nice, sort of, if you compare it to the Arkham games and not From Software’s titles.

The city of Novigrad, sure to be full of dirty and horrible people and elves

But the reviews are coming in and they’re pretty positive. Big open world, the potion system is improved, there’s some kind of tracking system *cough* and unicorn sex? I guess? I’m in the mood for a long, serious RPG and I want something to flex my PC’s muscle more than Pillars of Eternity (which I also need to buy).

Unfortunately I’m still in the middle of two other games, which leads to competition for my attention.

The Witcher

“Hi, I’m Geralt, I have no memory, and naked ladies and elves want a piece of me. As you can see they’ve taken several pieces already.”

Persona 4 Golden

“Hi, I’m HERO, and even though my friend Yukiko was kidnapped and held inside the evil TV dimension where she’s taunted by her psychic opposite, I’m not going to tell her parents where she is. Instead me and my idiot friends are going to go to school and fuse trading cards in our minds until it’s literally the last second to save her life.”

Bloodborne

“Hi, I’m the hardcore reimagining of Count Chocula, and when I need a blood transfusion I go to the same place as where I get my crack. Now I’m in some horrific steampunk version of Purge Night following the non-instructions of a talking doll who can’t be bothered to say things like ‘rekindle the bonfire’ or ‘sit the throne’ like the last two comparatively coherent games.”