Blog / Games

Super Mario games should have a store.

Hey, quit giggling. Not a microtransaction nightmare, but an in-game store to do something with the jillions of coins you collect. I’m playing Super Mario 3D World (BTW, I had to work to memorize that title) and wondering why I should be exerting any effort to nab the scores of gold coins in each level. They pay for new lives which as an experienced Mario player I hardly need.

Why can’t they be used to buy suits? Nintendo has some idea that currencies in games have value since you need green stars to open more levels. I’m nuts for those and don’t leave a world until I’ve farmed all its soylent goodness. But the visible coins, invisible coins, stacks of coins and coin suits bore me. I want to use them for something that enhances gameplay rather than just continuing it. It feels like I’m playing with the Black Eye skull from Halo 4 turned on.

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Looks like Final Fantasy VIII is out on Steam. The pendulum of opinion has swung back to the positive for this title because, I suspect, the people who hate it have grown tired of voicing that opinion. It’s not cool to bash Final Fantasy VIII these days. But I don’t mind. I’m hip to hate Square.

Its predecessor Final Fantasy VII was a huge moment in gaming for me. During a computer summer camp in Minnesota I got my first taste of bilinear filtering when we managed to get the PC version of FF7 running through a Voodoo 3D accelerator card. You know, back in the prehistoric days when computers had two video cards to handle 2D and 3D graphics separately. Wow am I glad we overcame that limitation.

I’ve bought FF7 for the PS3 and PC to relive those glory days.

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Discussing The Stanley Parable is all code words. At first this was born from a desire to avoid spoilers, but after a while it’s the only way to describe the game and the crazy places you end up. There’s the Employee Lounge. The Mind Control Room. Stanley’s Apartment. The Adventure Line. The Happy Room and the Stairs. The Fern.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you, Stanley? And yet it’s utterly opaque to everyone else.

If we’re talking about Mass Effect, I can say Ilos and get folks nodding. Tuchanka. The Citadel. But those are proper names. You can put those phrases into Google and get results. It’s not easy with The Stanley Parable.

Today’s topic: what other games require the use of code words?

You are a man in an office. All your co-workers are gone. Find out why.

In a sane world that would be the plot to The Stanley Parable. It’s not. It’s not even about Stanley and barely about parables. It’s a video game made by video gamers for video gamers, a game that knows it’s a game and knows that you know it’s a game. You’re in a hall of mirrors.

Not really. You’re in an office building.

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Had my first full weekend of Battlefield 4 multiplayer. In some way it reminds me of EVE Online: there are dozens of upgrades for each gun, dozens of guns, and a handful of vehicles with their own upgrade trees. The amount of choice is overwhelming and you peck at this gigantic tree with your tiny beak. While the opposing team pecks at your head with their guns.

I’m already a week late to Battlefield 4 on the Xbox One, and who knows how many years late on playing Battlefield in general. I tend not to check the tops of rocks for campers. I don’t expect to find a sniper hunting me from the top of a 30-story skyscraper. I’m disoriented in a tank and hopeless steering a helicopter. To my credit I don’t even try to fly.

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Why does Battlefield 4 have a single player campaign?

I played a few rounds of Rush multiplayer last night and had a fantastic time. The graphics are great, the destructible environment keeps me on my toes, and the progession system feels both fair and tantalizing. They’re using Oblivion’s leveling system in a shooter. I can’t wait to unlock more mods for my SCAR-H assault rifle by using my SCAR-H assault rifle. Heck, I even considered buying a premium subscription because I don’t have the kind of time that teenagers do to play this thing and unlock what I want.

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With the Battlefield 4 campaign finished I can dampen my criticism somewhat. They’re not trying to tell the same kind of story as a Call of Duty game. No world-spanning global crisis brink of nuclear annihilation run run run disaster time plot.

Here’s what happens in Battlefield 4:

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I don’t think I could design a worse campaign for Battlefield 4 if I tried. Let’s look at the essential ingredients:

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Dig deep into Assassin’s Creed IV and you’ll get to the muck of the previous titles.

For instance, the A button still works for fast-walking. And by fast I guess I mean 1% faster than your normal speed. Why on earth is it there? You almost never have to hide from guards in cities. In fact, the entire hiding in crowds feature is useless at this point. Seeing Edward go monochrome while he chit-chats with locals is only marginally useful during tailing missions, assuming you can’t find a bush or a corner to hide behind.

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What keeps you playing a racing game?

For other genres it’s an easy sell. You’re playing the campaign to see new locations, fight new enemies, reveal the secrets of the plot and experience new combat scenarios. Platformers also have the same appeal.

Forza Motorsport 5 is different. Every event is unlocked from the start. You can drive any car provided you have the money (either in-game or - barf - real cash). All the parts for upgrading your car are available. Paint your car any color or apply any decal. The only thing you get from racing is more money.

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