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Hi, I'm HERO

The Witcher 3 is coming out next week and I’m vaguely excited. I wasn’t a fan of the last game thanks to its emotionless hero, awful user interface, and poorly explained combat. It looks like the sequel fixes… none of those. Geralt grumbles at every situation like he’s missing the last puzzle piece in the box. I’m watching these HD streams of console gameplay and straining to see the button prompts at the bottom right of the screen. But the combat looks nice, sort of, if you compare it to the Arkham games and not From Software’s titles.

The city of Novigrad, sure to be full of dirty and horrible people and elves

So Wildstar

I was hooked on Wildstar for exactly a month. It was beautiful, fun, bouncy, and had deep house customization.

Then I fell out of love. I’m not sure why. The game gets better on the higher levels, but I think I realized that even the best MMO isn’t for me. I’m done on MMOs, subscription or no. Even the exceptional Guild Wars 2 sits abandoned on my hard drive.

While watching Wildstar’s lore videos one day I got tired of the notion that there’s some moral ambiguity to the Dominion. There’s technically some sympathy in their backstory, what with the Mechari and all, but in Wildstar proper they’re a ruthless bloodthirsty creepily religious empire. They’re evil, screw them.

So Wildstar, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb

It's that very special time of year, Greendale

Family Guy sure has changed over the years. Stewie no longer wants to take over the world, Peter isn’t obsessed with television, Meg has gone from a figurative punching bag to a literal one. And Brian, straight man and voice of reason, is now a liberal douche.

Is this how Christians feel watching Ned Flanders on The Simpsons? Seeing your own views espoused, mocked, and twisted is really awkward, though there’s some evidence that Ned might be a fair example. But watching Brian Griffin is painful, and not just when he’s having sex with human women.

iPhones and lizard brains

A friend in Tallahassee broke his iPhone and wanted me to talk him out of buying a Samsung Galaxy S5 Active. I failed, but he likes the phone. Here’s how he rationalizes his purchase.

I feel like with the money spent I am getting a new toy per se to play with, whereas the iPhone I kind of think of it like this, you have this pretty, reliable, and safe girlfriend that you know won’t let you down (iPhone), and then you meet this exotic stripper (Samsung) and your practical side says “stay with the reliable” but your lizard brain is telling you to go with the stripper, and you know it can cause you some heartbreak down the road but it might be worth it in the short term haha!

I love it.

From the context it is clear what you mean

Futurama is another favorite show of mine. This is the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia, whose unappreciated catchphrase I use to excuse typos in text messages.

From the context it is clear what you mean

Kill meeee

Another in the saga of Memes Nobody Asked For.

This is a friend’s iPhone 4S after a drop from shoulder height. Is it possible to pity inanimate objects? You wouldn’t feel bad for a floor lamp that somebody knocked over, but this, well.

iPhone kill meeee

Dark Souls II playthroughs

Sometimes I think I was born on the Internet. I remember tweaking settings on my 28.8k modem to improve latency. I remember 56.6k modems and their amazing throughput that let you download an MP3 in the same amount of time it takes to listen to it. I remember being excited for college mainly because of their mythical T1 connection, a blazing pipe of video game demos and Napster.

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