Metroidvania games, it’s not working out. It’s not you, it’s me.

I’m tired of the wordless exploration. I don’t like being constrained to a single screen as homage to early video game design constraints. I’m bored of jumping on the same platforms with little dudes that crawl around it.

I don’t want to hear what new twist on the double jump you’ve come up with this time. I don’t rejoice when I get a new movement ability. I dread going back through your unmemorable maze world pressing my item against every wall, gap, pit, door, and bit of scenery I’ve seen so far. I’m not spending time on Reddit decrypting your arcane background symbols.

Look, I’m sure you have great HDR support, I just don’t have time for this anymore. I’m a dad now and my time and attention are terribly limited.

Don’t, ah, don’t go looking at my new game plus plus run of Armored Core VI, that’s just going to depress you. … I mean, yes, I am going through the Shadow of the Erdtree expansion with an iPad open to VaatiVidya’s YouTube channel, what does that matter? We’re - you’re - the thing is -

Sorry, I didn’t want this to turn into a fight. I wish you the best of luck with your Silksong. I’ll be cheering you on from the crowd! while playing Dwarf Fortress